January 31, 2008

Expressions for High STRESS days :-)

Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.

A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.

Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.

Do I look like a fucking people person?

This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

You! Off my planet!

Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of self-control.

I like cats too. Let's exchange recipes.

The Bible was written by the same people who said the Earth was flat.

Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?

Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

Let me show you how the guards used to do it.

And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?

I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 20 years.

Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.

Do they ever shut up on your planet?

Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.

I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.

I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes?

Back off! You're standing in my aura.

I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.

Don't worry. I forgot your name, too!

One of us is thinking about sex...OK, it's me.

I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?

You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.

Okay, okay, I take it back! UnFuck you!

Macho Law prohibits me from admitting I'm wrong.

Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.

Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.

You look like shit. Is that the style now?

Earth is full. Go home.

Is it time for your medication or mine?

Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?

Did I mention the kick in the groin you'll be receiving if you touch me?

And which dwarf are you?

I refuse to star in your psychodrama.

How do I set a laser printer to stun?

It ain't the size, it's...no, it's the size.

I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.

I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go?

Gene Police!!! Get out of the pool!!

Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?

Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

Allow me to introduce my selves.

I'm just working here until a good fast-food job opens up.

Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you weren't asleep.

How many times do I have to flush before you go away?

Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2?

Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.

Your village called, their idiot is missing.

January 28, 2008

Sex Sells

Q: Are there any health benefits to love and sex?
A: Greeting card companies and tattoo artists aren't the only ones capitalizing on love. You can, too: Strong intimate relationships can benefit your health as well as any drug. Let us, as the sonnet says, count the ways:

At a romantic dinner Red wine contains resveratrol, an antioxidant that increases HDL cholesterol, and flavonoids that reduce damage to arteries. Real cocoa-based chocolate also contains healthy flavonoids.

Every day Studies suggest married men are less likely to have heart disease than single men; happily married women are less likely to develop heart disease than their unhappily wed peers.

In bed, a study found that men who had sex at least twice a week were half as likely to die over a ten-year period as men who had sex less than once a month. For women, better -not more - sex is the key.

Though it's unclear how sex might improve health, it's likely the therapeutic value: Quality sex decreases stress, promotes companionship and increases emotional satisfaction.

* * *
· Слово «нет» по-прежнему остается лучшим противозачаточным средством
· Старая дева — это женщина, которая сказала «нет» на один раз больше, чем надо.
· Лучшее украшение девушки — скромность и прозрачное платьице.
· Женщина может все, а мужчина все остальное. Мужчина хочет только одного, женщина всего остального.
· Мужчина ошибается, если думает что все женщины разные. Женщина ошибается, если думает, что все мужики одинаковы.
· Женщины сообразительнее мужчин: на одного тугодума приходятся две легкомысленные.
· Дети хотят казаться старше. Мужчины хотят казаться умнее. А женщины — моложе и глупее.
· Выяснить что-нибудь у женщины невозможно в любом возрасте: девичья память плавно переходит в женские секреты, а они в свою очередь — в старческий склероз.
· Молчание — единственная вещь из золота, не признаваемая женщинами.
· Лучше быть молодой бабушкой, чем старой девушкой.

· Она пользовалась у мужчин успехом, жильём и деньгами.
· Комары гораздо гуманнее некоторых женщин: уж если комар пьёт твою кровь — он, по крайней мере, перестаёт жужжать.
· Женщина, которая ценит себя слишком низко — сбивает цену всех остальных женщин.
· Красивая женщина радует мужской глаз, некрасивая — женский.
· Красивая женщина — это страшная сила, а некрасивая — так… страшненькая.
· Все женщины по сути своей ангелы, но когда им обламывают крылья, им приходится летать на метле.
· Умная и красивая — стерва… Умная и страшная — философ… Глупая и красивая — легкая добыча… Глупая и страшная — обычная женщина…
· На всякого мудреца находится дура, от которой он без ума.
· За прекрасных дам и дрyгих мифических персонажей!
· Тот, кто говорит, что видит женщин насквозь, очень много теряет.
· В одежде девушки должно быть специально отведено место для бросания нескромных взглядов.
· Лето — это когда верхняя одежда больше смахивает на нижнее белье.
· Из одного фигового листа можно сделать несколько бикини.
· Опишите подробно — как выглядела отобранная у вас честь.
· Папа, представляешь, выхожу из института, пристает какой-то пьяный урод и предлагает переспать с ним вот за эту цепочку…
· Флирт — это когда девушка не знает, чего хочет, но всеми средствами добивается этого…
· Девушки, стреляя глазками, не бросайте раненых!
· Девушка, а девушка! Вы верите в любовь с первым встречным?
· И пошла Василиса Прекрасная туда, куда Василиса Премудрая не решилась бы…
· Если бы комплименты были правдой, то это были бы уже не комплименты, а просто информация!
· Умной женщине комплименты служат для оценки мужчин, глупой — для самооценки.
· Анаконда с улыбкой Джоконды.
· Женщина любит ушами, а ненавидит — всем своим существом.
· Женщины любят ушами, пока они не забьются лапшой, навешанной мужчинами. Тогда женщины спохватываются, называют себя последними дурами и стряхивают лапшу. Потом история повторяется…
· Женщины любят ушами, мужчины — глазами. Действительно: женщинам смотреть не на что, мужчинам слушать нечего.
· Она пригласила его к себе на ужин, намекнув, что она отлично готовит завтраки.
· Когда женщина разрешает мужчине перейти от слов к телу, она должна быть готова к тому, что обратно он уже больше не вернется.
· Неправда, что женщины не могут хранить секреты. Просто это нелегкая задача, и женщины обычно справляются с ней коллективно.
· Если бы женщины правили миром, то войн бы не было — но каждые 28 дней шли бы очень ожесточённые переговоры…
· Мама хотела мальчика, а папа девочку — так они и познакомились.
· Одинокий мужчина встретится с одинокой женщиной с целью создания одинокого ребенка.
· Когда Бог создал человека, он не запатентовал свое изобретение, и теперь каждые два дурака могут делать то же самое.
· Безумная любовь, безумная любовь…, а потом удивляемся: «Откуда дураки берутся?»
· Если женщина сердится, значит она не только не права, но и понимает это.
· Если женщина говорит, что ненавидит тебя — значит, любит, но ты козел!
· Под макияжем иногда скрывается просто красавица.
· Виртуальные знакомства делятся на два периода: до первой фотографии и после.
· Влюбленность — это когда не замечаешь недостатков. Любовь — это когда ценишь достоинства.
· Я люблю тебя не за то, кто ты, а за то, кто я, когда я с тобой.
· Возраст женщины относится к чертам ее характера.
· Мужчина — тот же ребенок, только с няней оставлять его опасно…
· Настоящие женщины никогда не выходят замуж за настоящих мужчин — потому что настоящие женщины сразу не соглашаются, а настоящие мужчины никогда не предлагают дважды.
· Если джентельмен назвал даму дорогой, значит, ему нужна дама подешевле.

· Женщину до истерики может довести любая мелочь. Мужчину до истерики может довести только женщина.
· Хотите, чтобы муж во время готовки шутил, смеялся и крутился где-то рядом? Пригласите симпатичную подругу в мини юбке помочь вам по кухне.


Встречаются двое.
- Хаим, ты слышал, что люди говорят? Доллар-то,оказывается, падает.
- Зяма! Да чтоб у тебя так все стояло, как он падает.

Рабинович, что будет, если из России вдруг исчезнет вся водка?
- В природе ничего не исчезает бесследно. Если в России вдруг исчезнет водка, значит, где-то она появится. Вот там, где она появится, там и будет Россия...

Встречаются два еврея.
- Рабинович! Ваша дочка уже вышла замуж?
-Таки нет!
-А шо так?
Ой! она слишком умная, чтобы выйти замуж за того идиёта, который захочет на ней жениться!

Встречаются два одессита:
- Сеня, ну у тебя и шея...
- Так я же жру!
- Так надо ж мыть!..

В Одессе открылся новый магазин лекарственных препаратов - 'Shop Вы мне все так были здоровы', а также магазин при похоронном бюро - 'Shop ты сдох'.

Встречаются два одессита:
- Вы знаете, наша Циля - архитектор...
- Да, и шо она строит?
- А, эта дура ходит по Дерибасовской и строит из себя девочку.

Проклятие в одесском трамвае:
Чтоб я тебя видел на одной ноге, а ты меня одним глазом!

- Рабинович, с твоей Сарой спит вся Одесса, и чтобы к ней попасть, нужно занимать очередь, брось ее, зачем нужна тебе такая жена!
- Ты понимаешь, если я брошу ее, то мне тоже нужно будет занимать очередь.

- Как, вы не знаете, как меня найти?! Ведь все очень пpосто: вы идете на Деpибасовскyю, там заходите в пеpвый пpоyлок спpава и попадаете во двоpик. Здесь кpичите 'Рабинович!!!' - во всех окнах появятся люди, а в одном окне не бyдет никого - там живy я, моя фамилия - Шапиpо.

Старая Одесса.
- Боже мой, кого я вижу! Соломон Моисеевич!
- Меня зовут Соломон Маркович.
- Вы мне будете рассказывать, как вас зовут?! Я вашего папу с детства знал! Он был таким красивым, кудрявым!
- Ничего подобного. Мой папа был маленький и лысый.
- Ай, идите к чёрту, вы не знаете своего папу!

Встретились две одесситки:
- Послушай, Мара, купи у меня новый диван.
- Да ты что? Ты же его так долго искала, столько переплатила...
- Понимаешь, не могу даже на него смотреть... Я на нём изменила своему мужу...
- Эх, милочка! Если бы я продавала всю ту мебель, на которой я изменяла своему мужу, у меня бы уже давно одна люстра осталась!

- Мадам Трахтенберг, когда ваша Софочка думает выходить замуж?
- Всегда!

January 20, 2008

Great Advertising

When you're stuck at home for a week, you visit sites such as bored.com and sometimes you find some rather interesting stuff. I'm a big fan of creative advertising and I had a blast with this site. I recommend going through all ten pages, if you have the time. :-)

January 18, 2008

Stuff that makes me cry (or laugh) always ends up on my blog. Maybe right now it's the antibiotics. Maybe it's my newfound sense of humor or self pity, I'm not sure, but this was a truly great show:

Can't Wait till the Movie!!!!

January 16, 2008

Hell at the Library

I know that some of my readers don't like unoriginal content and perhaps I should annotate links more often, but I still have a fever and a runny nose to boot, I don't want to sleep and I found this New York Times article rather interesting. More importantly, I know some of my readers haven't been to the library since they've finished high school, college, etc. If that applies to you, don't bother hitting the link. :-)

January 14, 2008

"Anxiety is love's greatest killer. It makes others feel as you might when a drowning man holds on to you. You want to save him, but you know he will strangle you with his panic." -Anais Nin

January 13, 2008

I hope I get comments to this. . .

WARNING: Original Content

Yet another anonymous comment, that wasn't so anonymous telling me to have some more original content. Well, it's really hard to write about something personal when you know that everyone you know at least periodically reads your blog. I can write about my wisdom tooth extraction, about waking up all night with blood all over my face, hands and sheets. I can talk about how swollen my cheek is and that I almost refuse to leave my house. Then again, people that know me well, know that it's not the real reason. There's really nowhere to go and nobody to go there with. . . I can't eat (normal food), drink (alcohol) or pretty much do anything that constitutes the average idea of fun these days. As for something exciting like going to see a show, play some sort of game (i.e. bowling), gallery hop, check an exhibit at a museum or at the very least catch a movie, well nobody is up for that - nobody is interested. Our lives revolve around food and no, it's not the first time I had something to say on the subject, and yes, I love to eat as much as the next person (especially when I can chew), but come on, HOW MUCH CAN WE EAT? asks a person that spent all day yesterday complaining that she's hungry, but hey, "soft" foods (i.e. jello, yogurt and soup) don't really fill me up!!!

P.S. If you want original content, like something, or dislike something, I need FEEDBACK!
P.P.S. My blog has been getting a lot more hits lately than when there was original content. :-)

Tom Ford

Walking past Tom Ford's Madison Avenue store yesterday, couldn't walk past his new ad campaign. The online version is but a little preview, although fairly explicit. Click here, but only if you can handle it (don't do it at work). Apparently this stuff has been out for a while, but I just stumbled upon it. :-)

January 11, 2008

“[T]here is neither happiness nor misery in the world; there is only the comparison of one state with another, nothing more.” -Alexander Dumas The Count of Monte Cristo

January 10, 2008

Yet another thought provoking chain letter, that I got three times today :-)

A Birth Certificate shows that we were born;
A Death Certificate shows that we died;
Pictures show that we lived!
Have a seat and Relax - And read this slowly.

I believe - That just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.

I believe - That we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I believe - That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I believe - That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I believe - That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I believe - That it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I believe - That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I believe - That you can keep going long after you think you can't.

I believe - That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I believe - That either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I believe - That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I believe - That money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I believe - That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I believe - That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.

I believe - That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I believe - That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I believe - That it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I believe - That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I believe - That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I believe - That you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life Forever.

I believe - Two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I believe - That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

I believe - That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help.

I believe - That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I believe - That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have.

January 8, 2008

Google Quote of the Day

"The art of life is to know how to enjoy a little and to endure very much." -William Hazlitt

The Falling-Down Professions

A rather interesting New York Times article that I took rather personally because of the following paragraph"

"In a culture that prizes risk and outsize reward — where professional heroes are college dropouts with billion-dollar Web sites — some doctors and lawyers feel they have slipped a notch in social status, drifting toward the safe-and-staid realm of dentists and accountants. It’s not just because the professions have changed, but also because the standards of what makes a prestigious career have changed."

However, doctors and lawyers aren't what they used to be in our society and this article points out just that. A great read!

It's (Almost) Tax Time. . .

As you begin receiving your W-2's, 1099's and other financial crap, please keep in mind that you have a Tax Accountant friend that will be glad to do your taxes for you provided that I get your financial documents as soon as you get them, before I get swamped with work at work and am working 80 hour weeks. :-)

Here's a little humor,

January 6, 2008

The 20 Most Intriguing Billionaire Heiresses

I found this rather fascinating. . .


Just got home from watching Atonement, a powerful movie of love and of heartbreak, of what could have been and wasn't and of the reprocussions of our actions. Sometimes we do things without fully understanding the impact it will have on others and on ourselves. A childish view can impact lives for years to come. A vivid imagination may sometimes not be worth running with.

January 1, 2008

Happy New Year!

Another year came and went and as much as 2007 sucked for all us piggies, I'm not sure that 2008 will be any different. There are good things that happened this year - people got engaged, married even and I can't think of anything else at the moment. Overall, 2007 sucked.

I wanted to write a smart and witty blog entry as I haven't really written anything in a while, it's just links and pictures, but as I'm looking at a blank screen, there's really not much to say, not much to write. Anything I may want to say is not necessarily public information and to ramble on and on about nothing, well that's not really my style. So, Happy 2008! May it bring you and your loved ones, nothing but health, happiness, love and money to buy everything else!

What can be said in New Year rhymes,
That's not been said a thousand times?
The new years come, the old years go,
We know we dream, we dream we know.
We rise up laughing with the light,
We lie down weeping with the night.
We hug the world until it stings,
We curse it then and sigh for wings.
We live, we love, we woo, we wed,
We wreathe our prides, we sheet our dead.
We laugh, we weep, we hope, we fear,
And that's the burden of a year.

Ella Wheeler Wilcox

May you get a clean bill of health from your dentist, your cardiologist, your gastro-enterologist, your urologist, your proctologist, your podiatrist, your psychiatrist, your plumber and the I.R.S. (especially the IRS).

May your hair, your teeth, your face-lift, your abs and your stocks not fall; and may your blood pressure, your triglycerides, your cholesterol, your white blood count and your mortgage interest not rise.

May New Year's Eve find you seated around the table, together with your beloved family and cherished friends. May you find the food better, the environment quieter, the cost much cheaper, and the pleasure much more fulfilling than anything else you might ordinarily do that night.

May what you see in the mirror delight you, and what others see in you delight them. May someone love you enough to forgive your faults, be blind to your blemishes, and tell the world about your virtues.

May the telemarketers wait to make their sales calls until you finish dinner, may the commercials on TV not be louder than the program you have been watching, and may your check book and your budget balance - and include generous amounts for charity.

May you remember to say "I love you" at least once a day to your spouse, your child, your parent, your siblings; but not to your secretary, your nurse, your masseuse, your hairdresser or your tennis instructor.

And may we live in a world at peace and with the awareness of love in every sunset, every flower's unfolding petals, every baby's smile, every lover's kiss, and every wonderful, astonishing, miraculous beat of our hearts!